Friday, October 12, 2007

A plea to Britney Spears

Dear Ms. Spears,

I write this letter to you not as a friend, not as a fan, but as a person concerned for the well being of this planet. In the past few years as your career has taken a downturn (not really your fault, marrying a talentless backup dancer and getting knocked up twice can happen to anyone) you have decided to make a bold move with your wardrobe choices. It's not really what you have been wearing, but what you haven't been wearing that causes me great concern. Yes, Britney, I'm talking about underwear. For the love of all that is holy, put some on. I can't tell you how many times I have seen your vagina as you've gotten into cars in the past two years. Frankly, I am tired of seeing your vagina. If this was five or seven years ago, I would have no problem with you showing your vagina whenever you wanted, but you have kids now, or atleast you did until the courts awarded them to your out of work, deadbeat husband, and seeing your vagina is no prize any longer. I know the money isn't flowing in like it used to, but seriously, a pair of panties isn't that expensive. There's this place called K-Mart that I'm sure you're familiar with. You can buy yourself a pair there for about $2.00 and spare the eyes of the world next time someone snaps a picture of you getting in or out of your car.

Britney, I beg of you, put some underwear on. I know being hungover every morning when you wake up can make you forget things, but please find a way to remember this. If you have to write yourself a note, or tie a string around your finger, I don't care as long as you remember to put underwear on each morning before you leave your house/double wide. If not for me and the other 6 billion people that live on this earth, do it for your kids. Do you really want them to grow up and make the same mistakes you did? You can prevent this from happening by just putting on a pair of panties before you leave your house in the morning. I know your latest musical abomination is called "Gimme More" but I guarantee that if you asked a large audience, "Who would like to see my vagina again?," that would not be their reply.


The World


Anonymous said...

I think your request might conflict with mine for explosive suicide. We don't want to confuse her with too many requests so I suggest we stick with mine.

Clifford said...

Geez, I didn't even know that Britney Spears was caught without panties; I had to Google this to find out for sure.

You do have to admit that events like these do allow a chance to see determine who the Marching Morons are. Without psuedoevents like these then how could you tell?