Love Songs...or Not

Ah, love songs. We all know them when we hear them. Some are good (Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes comes to mind), some are bad (any song by any American Idol® winner - that's right, I'm talking to you Clarkson - comes to mind), and then some are just plain frightening. May I suggest, as the forerunner in this final category, Jesse McCartney’s Beautiful Soul? Ignore the angelic, pre-pubescent vocals and big-eyed, Precious Moments® style appearance of the singer, for just one moment, and focus on the actual lyrics of this pop music gem:

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

[Chorus:]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon let's try

[Chorus]

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do?
I just wanna know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

[Chorus 2x]

Ooooooo
Beautiful Soul, yeah
Oooooo, yeah
Your beautiful soul
Yeah

What kind of pseudo-vampiristic, mentally disturbed, Antichrist-wannabe came up with these lyrics? Remove the word “beautiful” from the chorus and you are left with an effeminate, Aryan, boybander reject crying out for the souls of tweenage fangirls everywhere. What, does he store them in jars somewhere? Does he have some kind of voodoo side-gig going just in case the whole pop stardom thing fails?

But back to the matter at hand; how is this horrific mockery of misplaced sentiment a love song? Scratch that, how does this even pass for music? You want me and my soul? I’m sorry, that’s part of a package deal. Frankly, you aren’t getting anywhere near either of us.


~the retro housewife