form and function - where the fashion industry fails

I have always been a form-follows-function kind of gal. If something is going to be in existence, than it should damn well have some purpose other than mere space occupation. It is just good, sound logic; we live on a planet with a finite amount of space, therefore the objects occupying said space should have purpose for doing so. A purpose and a function. You wouldn’t put a random pillar, unconnected to either floor or ceiling, in the center of your living room. You wouldn’t drive a sedan with a fifth tire that lightly skims the road as you drive. You wouldn’t buy a mitt that skins potatoes when you have a drawer full of perfectly good knives. Form should follow function.

Why then do some women insist on wearing tacky, oversized, ugly and unpurposeful belts? A belt is not a complicated article of clothing, it only has two functions - to hold up your pants or to cinch your waist (and I’m not even entirely sure about the latter). So what, then, is the function of these abhorrent, gigantic, and inevitably mismatched wastes of material that pass as wide waist belts? They aren’t holding up pants. They aren’t cinching the waist (they are, however, making it look bigger by drawing all attention to it). As for their decorative qualities, this look is even less classy than the hip-jiggling hula girl glued to the dashboard of all NYC taxis.

So I ask you, is there a purpose, a reason, for this hideous,

functionless,

fashion paux pas?

Yes my friends, there is a reason; it is called Crystal Meth and we all know that drugs are bad.

The moral of today’s story: unless you are a pro wrestler or suffering from a hernia, leave the wide waist belts alone.

~ the retro housewife